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Dental Prayer Fellowship Newsletter August 2007

Conflict Resolution A Biblical Perspective by Stuart Scott (Focus Publishing)

Exactly What is a Conflict?
The Latin word from which we get the word conflict means to strike. Conflict is a common military term which means to fight against. When two people have a conflict they may have a physical fight and/or a verbal fight, but both people are involved and against one another. The Greek words that James uses are perfect for understanding the root cause of many conflicts. In many contexts, the word for "quarrels" means military campaigns or chronic states of war. The word for "conflicts" means separate conflicts within a war, or small battles.Conflict, then, is when both parties sin against one another (in their communication and/or their actions) and are then in opposition to one another.

What Does God Think of Conflict?
Conflict is a grievous thing to God. He wants His children to have no part in it. The Bible is full of commands about controlling our words and our spirit, full of warnings about strife, and full of instruction on what to do if someone is angry with us or sinning against us. God wants His people to pursue peace:Walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called ….. being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Eph 4:1,3). Not only are we to be careful that we do not offend others, but God tells us to love, pray for, and do good to those who sin against us. We are to return good even to our enemies (Romans 12:21).But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous (Matthew 5:44-45).We have already seen what God thinks of the thoughts, words, and actions that are involved in sinful communication [ see July 2007 DPF Newsletter ]. Sinful communication is always involved in conflict. Jesus puts being angry with someone on the same level as murder. He goes on to show that expressing that anger is even worse! (Matthew 5:21-22). Conflict is a serious thing to God. Many marriages are characterized by conflict. Christians should work to rid their marriage of it.

Where Do Conflicts Come From?

• Personal Differences and Differences of Opinion- People are very different from one another. They have different abilities, different amounts of knowledge, different likes and dislikes, and different perspectives. A couple can have a great deal in common and still have conflict if they are proud and selfish.- Having little in common does mean, however, that you must work to know one another well, appreciate one another, and see things from one another's perspective. The more you work at knowing, appreciating, and under -standing the perspective of your spouse, the more you will love him/her.- One of the things that can help very differing spouses the most is growth in God's Word. The more each mind is renewed (changed) by Scripture, the more similarly a couple will think (Romans 12:2). One of the worst things a couple can do is work to change one another into each other's likeness.
• Offenses- A very serious cause of conflict is a wrong response to an offense or to a be sinning spouse. Husbands and wives need to learn to respond humbly and graciously to one another's sin and how to follow God's instructions for speaking the truth in love (Proverbs 27:6). Read Proverbs 17:27
• Pride and the Flesh- Whether a conflict arises out of a difference or an offense, it always involves sin. It ultimately stems from self-exalting pride, self-serving lusts,
• both. The Proverbs tell us, "an arrogant man stirs up strife" (Prov 28:25) and "by pride comes nothing but strife" (Prov 13:10). 1Peter 5:5 says that God is opposed to the proud.

In the midst of a conflict ask yourself, "What is it I am wanting for myself?" If we are to stay out of or resolve conflict, our focus must be the good of others instead of self. When we are humble and loving, we will not seek to please self and will not engage in conflict.

Can Differences and Disagreements Be Beneficial?
Yes! Differences and disagreements can be beneficial.
Here are some benefits:

• They can encourage us to search the Scriptures (Psalm 119:71-72).
• They can help us think carefully about how and what we think or what we believe (Proverbs 15:28).
• They can help us work harder at communicating effectively (Ephesians 4:25).
• They can produce maturity and endurance (James 1:2-5).
• They can help us sharpen one another (Proverbs 27:17).
• They can strengthen our faith in the truth that God is working all things together for good (Romans 2:28-29).
• They give us opportunity to practice servanthood and preferring one another (Philippians 2:2-3).
• They give us opportunities to love and glorify God (1 Corinthians 10:31-32).

To Be Continued in September's DPF Newsletter …. "How Do We Avoid Conflicts" and "Resolving Conflicts"